Re-entertain the moments.

Its been awhile since i post a normal post >_> ba so here goes one.

Adrian has gone to flying school in Melacca, and for god sake i feel an extreme lonely black shot feeling in me.. suddenly thinking so much that i would depart from him. well i get to hog the car on my own now *wohooo* but still for some reason i wasnt really contented on that.. instead, i felt sad.. seriously sad that adrian is now spreading his wings pursuing his dreams.. well i guess good luck bro.. will be missing you and remember to sms or call us when you're free.. i will be there anytime if you need someone to talk to (: sigh..

Oh yeah i changed my blog's song to taeyang's wedding dress.. awesome song !! i seriously feel in love with the lyrics.. totally beat fall for you by second hand serenade ! man now waiting for stupid maxis to provide the caller ringtone and i'm all set ! :3 and yeah once again i relate that song to my condition with michelle.. well whats the use anymore.. she wouldn listen or even care about me now..

Today, for the very first time i experience total loneliness at home. Others went, Melacca to send Adrian there.. so yeah i got the whole house to myself ! awesome ? Wrong ! was totally boring lonely and encouraging me to emo more in the end.. derived from everything i spend most of my time with the dogs.. sitting outside and enjoying the heavy rain. Oh yeah my mom forget to leave the spare key for me and i have to climb out of the house instead.. uber ghey.. >_>

Well the most i gotta say is that i seriously aint ready to get our you yet i guess.. or is it that i need someone by myself now ? lonely lonely.. 21 year old suck the most for me.. a lonely one indeed.

P.S: ignore the pic, i randomly grab it..

Nicholas..

Wedding dress..

You and he would argue
Then sometime tears would drip.
As you’re struggling, I felt the rays of hope
My heart s-s-shattered in the silence
And I would calm down as I look at your smile
I conceal and hide my feelings away from you
Because if you find out, we may be no longer together.
I hold my breath
And bite my lips
Then I hope that she’s by my side, not his.

Baby, please don’t hold his hands
Cuz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting forever, so please look at me.

Once the music starts
You’ll take the eternal pledge with him
I prayed and hoped
that this day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

I hated you
for not understanding how I felt.
So at one point, I even wished for your misery.
But my tears were already d-d-dried up.
Every night I felt anxious
and now if I think about it, I might have already foreseen this event.
I close my eyes,
And dream an endless dream.
Then I hope that she’s by my side, not his.

Baby, please don’t hold his hands
Cuz you should be my lady

Once the music starts
You’ll take the eternal pledge with him
I prayed and hoped
that this day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

Be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase those pitiful memories of me
For a long time
It was hard on me, no oh
I spent too much time fantasizing
And had a lonely life like a fool
She’s still looks at me
and smiles brightly

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

Another awesome song, seriously reminds me about how miserable i was last time.. sigh..

Nicholas..

Sing me a song..

Yeah, Since you went away hasn’t been the same

In my heart all i got is pain

Could it be that i play the game

To loose you, i can’t maintain

Sunlight moonlight you lit my life

Realize in the night while love shines bright

Can’t let you go we were meant for forever baby let me know

Days passed without you can’t forget you

Letting me be the cloud hanging above me

Raining on me missing your touch

Nights get longer and it’s hard to clutch

We’re apart breaks my heart

Its all for the best girl, you’re my world

In time my love unfurls

‘Till then wait for you girl

Awesome :]

Nicholas.

Another passing moment..

Its another sunday i would say, couldn wait to meet up with these bunch of friends :) its been awhile since we had such big gathering but sad to say i received 2 sms from 2 of the form6 friends saying they couldn make it last minute due to assignment.. dude i too have assignment to do.. sigh.. oh well.. its your choice which i could change ): so yeah.. back to it.. :O it was still kinda fun.. :) oh yeah we meet ken chuah lol, phik's boi boi :D fun fun long face dude lol but yeah he's alright :)

but yeah i felt jealous.. and who wouldn.. for a moment i stared blankly and was thinking about you.. you who used to be with me.. sigh.. yeah.. the more i think about it the more emo i will be.. shaking it of as i try to jump back to reality.. :( sigh.. facing the truth that you're long gone and living a better life without me... without me huh.. yeah it seems and yeah i guess it is the way life should be now.. we cant have everything right ?

Talk to doris on the way home.. telling her that its true i don have much real friends.. and she told me joe is also the same.. i guess i aint the only fuck up one huh ? hahaha.. i guess its like living in a survival arena of life and stuff.. you use me and i use you kinda thing.. well.. i guess i do sometimes and now i shall accommodate more to repay what i've done.. sigh.. michelle.. why the hell i could fall for you so deeply >_>

man i got a speech tomoro but aint ready at all.. i guess i aint gonna sleep at all tonight..

lonely huh ? yeah i guess thats how life should be for me now..

P.S: i got an ulcer in my mouth..

Nicholas..

The Night Blog..

I have decided to divide my life into 2 sections, the apple tree which now full of darken colour would be my night blog and also would be the one i would share with my closes ones.. sorry for those who cant read it, i just wouldnt want to expose my entire life for the whole word to know.. so here i go again rambling about how it life should be.. its been awhile since i updated this part of my life.. being too busy with things *assignment* or not into the right mood to finish up what i've started ): so yeah here am i again back to square one..

i'm currently feeling uncertain

Aint certain of what am i doing is correct or something like that.. pif.. life could be such a pain in the arse if u don make good decisions ):

so yeah, this post is to inform my dear readers that my life has been split into 2 and this part of my life would be mainly updated at night as a show of the overall of my life ):

I'm still not happy..

Nicholas..

Imaginations..

Okay yeah its been awhile since i last posted a proper post, so yeah here i'm again writing about how regretful life mean to me when since the moment you left me.. sigh.. ian told me that Tsui Han said that Michelle is currently super busy due to the subjects she has taken.. feeling uneasy, i texted her a msg telling her to do her best and don stress herself too much on the work.. i know, even though how much i treat her good, she wouldn even bother to reply me or anything.. or worst, she might've changed her phone number.. well what can i say to avoid such a fagg stalker like me.. sigh.. its been 2 years.. 2 solid years no communication and sight of you.. no nothing at all.. i really do wonder how are you now.. and how could you live on without me.. well i guess you can.. since i was such a fagg before.. taking things for granted..

Sitting again leaning against the very old apple tree..

i started to wonder and think back on all we use to be.. all over again.. thinking how we could smile so happily.. refreshing my memory on how you use to smell when you were so close.. the taste of sweetness of you baking.. sigh.. all of those were just memories now.. memories which i kept in the box from the very bottom of my heart and the very first thing in my mind.. eventhough how much i wanted to feel back on how it use to be.. but i guess there's no turning back on what which has happen.. sigh.. she's chasing her dream and me staring blankly and aimlessly aside.. as if i'm casted aside by the very own soul from my body..

After the morning basketball session, i experienced a major headache.. i guess the my-grain has come back to stay huh ? remember those times i use to complain to you about my headaches.. then you will start massaging for me.. sigh.. fuck myself.. why could i just let you go just like that.. what was the point of it all.. knowing each other for so long and yet such painful experience can happen.. no its still come to conclude that the fault lies on my side.. my fault and wrong that made you left me.. regardless on what i do now would never bring you back.. instead, would just make you move further away from me.. sigh..

Everyday the old man says:

"who's your gf now?"

well its a common question and a common answer from me saying "which one ?"

sigh.. then zarrah comes to the chatter but then yet i told dad that my heart was numb due to the lost michelle, prolly thats why i don really feel much on the next one.. i guess the same feeling whcih i felt for you, michelle, could not be felt anymore in my life.. the true meaning of falling for someone.. such feelings.. sigh.. i wish seriously its all a dream, let me wake up from this brain dead situation.. just let me go from this mental torture and back to reality.. i've learn my lesson and i know what must i do..

but i guess its all in my head huh ?

Nicholas..

Listening to a silent hollow..

Its been awhile since i last updated again, and yeah the reason is i too busy nowadays with my assignments ): got like a bunch of interviews and also bunch of people to meet and crap around.. so yeah totally occupied by retardly assignments.. sigh.. what more could i do.. oh yeah ! today i saw this couple sitting in front of me in the bus.. The guy was like forcing, or you could say leaning darn close to the girl and like smelling her hair, force to kiss and stuff like that >.> i was like what the fuck !? go get a room dude ! >.> please don do raping in front of me ):

anyway yeah i forget to post urgh, bo mood will update again..s hit..

Nicholas

A minor come back..

I've decided to re visit the apple tree.. Its been awhile since i came back here.. i thought i could let go and ran as far as i can from this tree.. but still, something brought me back.. the feelings once again flared up, regardless on what had happen.. I just noticed that, this tree was once belonged to michelle and me.. not others.. i should share the other side of the story here.. but now here i'm back, having the feeling or you could say emotions for michelle again.. sigh.. so it seems so true that i couldnt let go of her..

Oh yeah moral class there's a girl who looks exactly like her ! amagat seriously, i couldn believe it but kept on glancing on her.. seriously small i mean face feature and hair style and and chubby cheek and voice ! amagat seriously the same as michelle ! >:( i was shocked ! well in a weird and happy way.. her name is Lynett Tan.. sigh.. so it wasnt michelle there.. but the they seriously look alike..

I miss her.. ): i mean michelle.. not Lynett.. i don know .__.

sigh.. help me !

Nicholas

Nicholas is here fyi..

http://collaboration-of-life.blogspot.com/

i give up in life..

Nicholas..

*runs*

Nicholas has flee away from the apple tree to somewhere else.. guess pls..