Under the apple tree..

2011-02-24T23:52:00.001+08:00

~~Friends forever.~~

I never believe much in it tbh.. all I see now are hi and bye friends and there are those who try to avoid you much.

Its hard to forgive ):

Friends.

2011-02-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

Friends wont last.

Last day of Chinese New year.

2011-02-17T06:40:00.003+08:00

Chap goh Meh also known as the lantern festival also known as the Chinese valentine's day (: so it not too late to post a valentine post right ? :D and well here goes, i celebrated the whole morning alone swimming 1km at 8am freezing water.. without having anything for lunch rushed to uni at 11am. oh i was wearing white singlet + black long sleeve like tee with surfer shorts and sandles (my toe haz cuts for god knows what reason ): ) met u with Jose and others for Graphic Design class and honestly was a tooooootally waste of time q-q the worst part was they decided to skip Advertising Copywriting ! eeew ! i had the feeling today was crappy ): but i kept cool and try heading awesomely straight forward.. but the worst part came along later.. i spend whole 1 hour and a half in the library of WH listening to songs and reading Adobe Photoshop books.. meh.. they were useful actually.. the worst part of the day was during Ad Copy class.. should've skipped it.. i felt kinda disappointed on what happened that day ): how could they not even bother to ask me that do i have a group yet or not.. its kinda depressing as the go on assumming crap just like that.. sigh.. friends ? ): I was really furious after what had happen and eventually stomp out of class as soon as the class was over..

but !

apparently things turn out okay later in the evening, went brussels for dinner. had wine at home after that.. talk about it with the parents and stuff.. (: and thx peining for entertaining me in tetris :DD ! it waz ooooo-some ! and pure luck too (:

well here im not.. i wonder how am i gonna face them later ? ): but it wasnt my fault to begin with.. why am i doing all the dodging ?

How's your valentine ? (:

Nicholas..

While i was awake.

2011-02-11T19:27:00.003+08:00

Somehow i feel its the right time to post something long now.. Got up today middle of the night wondering what everything was all about.. i looked on my mobile phone it was 4am.. somehow i had the lifeless feeling in me again at that very moment.. i somehow felt useless or worst more dead ?

washing up my face at that time as if its all stil in LaLa-land.. remembering it now as if its all just a random reflection of some random dream i had.. moving as there's no feeling in it.. its actually the second time i felt that way.. i felt somewhat.. Useless..

Oh finalized my Graphic Design assignment.. (: i like it but somehow its too complicated to be a logo ?

but yeah w/e i still like it (:

Yesterday, i manage to capture some pictures of fireworks ! was in a hurry so yeah din bring out my tripod :\ need time to deploy it so what the heck, used my ankles while sitting on the flow to capture these pictures haha..

Bokeh effect (: smart idea last minute (:

Flying red sperms :x

It was practically like a war zone at my housing that night urgh.. dogs went woof woof all the way...

I miss perth ): sigh..

Special: thx pei ning for the awesome song *rapes replay*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocL-o8GY02k&feature=player_embedded#at=199

Nicholas..

First Assignment !

2011-02-09T15:35:00.001+08:00

Reminds me of BodyGlove.. hmmm :\

Pictures of the day :D

2011-02-08T01:26:00.003+08:00

Flare for photography is still there.. need more places to go :\ and more kaki...

Will you ?

2011-01-13T01:42:00.002+08:00

Will you cry if i die ?

Zooming.

2011-01-13T00:09:00.002+08:00

Its already Thursday, time really do flies that fast huh ? What i did the whole day today.. thinking back makes me really regret again being so unproductive.. i really am lately.. my phone.. i left it in my room the whole day, i guess its much worthless if there's no one to really talk too.. there was sherry last time.. i guess when 2 person from different interest really cant communicate that well huh ? ): sigh.. one by one i felt that there aren't really true friends out there anymore.. everyone would be those come and go friends.. well practically can imagine instead of friends they would be co-workers instead of associates.. Leaping into my own hole.. i wonder more about things around me.. i guess all these is an early practice of how to face the future alone huh ? sigh..

I never like to sigh.. someone said before.. if you sigh its like a bit of your happiness inside of you gets away in every breathe.. i guess all the happiness has long diminished from me huh ?

I was the hypocrite in everything..

Good night..

Nicholas.

Point.

2011-01-12T01:44:00.002+08:00

Its again the same thing every night. 1.45am. finding myself hard to sleep these days. Heard that there's a new policy going on in my uni for the communication students. Stated that if we haven finish our year 1 subjects and electives, we can't proceed to our year 2 subjects, so on same with year 2 to year 3. its been implemented recently and caused plenty of trouble for those students who haven finish their year 1 electives or subjects. Lucky for me, i finished year 1 subjects but currently i'm in year 2 sem 3, it would be a pain for me next sem due to the fact that i haven complete my year 2 subs like marketing and advertising..

Sitting again downstairs without the lights on nor the fan.. its cooling enough for some reason with only the sliding door open. listening to the water flows really do calm ones mind.. but yet there's so many more to encounter. I kept telling myself that i need no help, i can travel this lonely road even though its just me alone. but yet i can see myself crumble down wondering who i could share this mind of mine.

On the journey back from dinner, it comes to mind again that is it worth it thinking and baring so much of the past ? wanting so much for things to move on like the past ? I was wondering what would it be having michelle around. since ian brought her up during a conversation in the car. It seems one's memory could be triggered with just some simple words.. I started to miss her again.. and all those regrets seem to return just like that. what have i done.. should have was all there were now.. nothing much could be change as those feelings could not be brought back.

Hmmmmmmmph..

if i have a gun, i would point to my head and pull the trigger.

Nicholas.

Next !

2011-01-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

Kyaaaaaaaaaaah ! i've just finish watching Angel Beats, one word defines it all ! Awesssssoooooooooommeememememememeneesssssss !! Pack with humor, action and touching to the very end ! but i don really like the ending ): its too sad.. i bet everyone doesnt like the ending too meh. but totally worth watching.. OST of Angel Beats awesome stuff ! especially the crow song and alchemy by Girls Dead Monster ! and and i hope there's like more to it ): like what happens next kinda thing D: ! sigh.. it seems there are words spreading saying season 2 would be coming out in spring 2011 :D ! cant wait but just a rumor though ):

I wanna watch more more such series/anime.. its been awhile since i last lost my craving for japanese anime, all along i've been tunning into those english series of how i met your mother and scrubs but then anime series wasnt so bad now.. bring up the feeling of i don know.. something which i one lost ? but then its hard to find companions or someone i could share what the anime was about unlike last time i have michelle to share with.. sigh.. i guess im all alone huh ? oh deciding maybe not to go to perth.. due to the change of uni policy, yes blame uni for all the hell they suddenly change their policy D: sorry ee sorry andy T^T

LING ! Give me more anime pls ! i somehow feel that im becoming an otaku hehe. :D

I love these songs:

GDM - Alchemy

GDM - Crow song

Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah !

Nicholas.

Insomnia.

2011-01-10T10:27:00.002+08:00

It was the same thing all over again yesterday.. Barely able to sleep, lingering on what awaits me later on which kills me slowly everyday. Regardless pointing out the fact that its useless to think too much about it, yet those thoughts appears out of no where ! ): its been bothering me alot like an unsolved riddle pointing in every direction for all the world possibilities and end up knowing will screw something else in me. Its like a quote from someone.

"One's happiness can be another's pain"

Reluctant against doing anything, i ended up not sleeping till 4am in the morning.. damn you insomnia, its like i can hear everything around me :| so not cool, its more like annoying at the moment. But yeah again every where was monochromatically blue-ish. It kinda gives the sensation of being colour blind in a way. Looking at things one colour, wow adding the fact that im also short sighted. Im really blind in the dark huh ): ! there's no love for me D: !

Nicholas.

2011-01-09T13:20:00.001+08:00

in my dreams, i see myself,
drowning in a sea of fathomless words.
unable to speak, unable to listen.

someday, i will conquer it, and i will be free.. i believe..

Lately.

2011-01-09T11:34:00.002+08:00

Lately, it comes to a fact that i have the fear of sleeping ): every night, as i lay on the bed... all i could see is a set of monochrome-ish blue colour, for or as my sight fore-told me.. its just the normal reflection of gates light outside going through my polarized sliding which very well shows why was the monochrome-ish blue sight.. But that wasn't all of it.. its lately that i've been thinking alot.. whether to study abroad or just continue where im now ? Sleeping is when it all came to me as a time for reflection every night. it troubles me alot to be honest T^T as a catalyst for my mix filling, watching anime or shows like Saikano and 5cm persecond, really screw things up abit for me.. its a sad sad show, recommended though for those who like anime (: really worth your time. So back to what happened lately, been thinking alot but the main one was. What have i been doing lately ?? i felt kinda mess up in ways like why am i wasting my time on something which i know could not be obtain :\ hmm. telling myself like a cliche that my time will come soon enough, but at the moment and i know its stupid, i've been thinking of michelle all over again.. i know its been long gone but somehow i don really know why the feeling kinda arise again.. Missing was one thing.. agonizing on changing the past if i can was the most idiotic part of it..

shows like Saikano and 5cm persecond, din really bring about the ending which the audience expected, rather was a good method by the authors to mess up with audience feelings i would say. Awesome move *claps* but then it kinda show me parts that life doesn't really goes in the way which we want it to be. Like for 5cm persecond, they din end up together at the end.. even though such hardship they have gone through.. looking at the girl clinging to another guy smiling kinda turns the feeling upside down.. Saikano was awesome from the beginning till the end, slowly bringing up a character which profound nothing much to become the main sadness end of the series.. Combining with the sad ending theme song really kills your feeling softly in a good way ): awesome stuff recommended (:

I've decide to run the show again for this lonely blog. I guess the lack of ears to hear out what my cries that what encourage me to not leave here.

Nicholas

At times.

2010-11-21T01:18:00.002+08:00

I just need someone to lean on.

I just need a hand to hold.

I just a time alone.

I just wanna stare blankly.

I dont really know what i really want in the end. Feelings tend to appear off and on, yet i don really know what i should do now. I have a tendency to act so childish, even words i say can be so blunt, randomly stabbing anyone who i communicated with. I'm crumbling much more that i appear to be. Searching high and low for the delete button, to remove this feelings. This desperate moments to not be alone. I just need something close to me, but all i have in the end apparently is nothing.

Reaching the breaking point of choosing leave or stay now brings more agony to what i should feel. Leaving for Perth is what i really intend to do, but as it comes closer to the day of my departure, mix feelings appear.. messing around with me, wondering even more should i actually not go and just carry on staying here. but there's nothing left here much for me.

Im childish,

Im immature,

i can be a bastard sometimes,

but all im seeking is attention of someone thinking of me..

im just annoyed by everything.

i have no more strength to accommodate sometimes.

Nicholas.

Explaining.

2010-11-20T01:05:00.002+08:00

Its hard to explain a feeling of interest of your own to someone. I wonder sometimes how do one can do so much silly things for a person who he or she like. At times i do wonder my feeling towards her, is it just mere friendly friendship or there's really a spark happening between us ? Confident has been a distant friend of mine always, not having it around which made me not taking a step forward to ask what is it that bonds us now. Wanting to ask are we just friends or more ? feelings which mingle around me but yet to have to courage to ask more about it.

I do have another friend, Rejection, which i fear alot. The fear of Rejection come visiting every time i open my thoughts. Rejection tend to rip my heart out sometimes when things doesnt go my way. But yet its part of life not having things going our way always.. but yet i still to build up courage to face the fear of rejection itself. therefore there's no expectations which i can count on to know where i stand now.

There's a person who always stand by me every time i start out the journey of life. Care. I care for so much in the world nowadays till i tend to 'stone' almost every time if i can. You name it, in front of the PC, in the car, classes, anywhere. I care so much about my appearance sometimes i tend to dodge all incoming eyes which looks at me sometimes. I care about this person so much but yet there's no description of how much i can give in or how much i can approach to her. I wonder so much that what am i doing is it wrong ? I don have the intention to steal another's gift again. Knowing that karma will come back at me.

A sweet talker i shall be, but what i said shall be done like what has been promised.. a lie would not only break one's heart but yet the trust of someone. The past was a lie to say that she will stand forever at one side, but end up leaving for yet her feelings turn grey on me. I guess nothing shall last always. I shall too perish one day, bit by bit till my ashes sink to the bottom of the ocean i shall may. Currently stand i shall enroll a smile to my daily life but yet all there's to be are just a plain sad pathetic person. I wonder how much i could bare more.

I like you sometimes would mean i love you in a way. but yet no matter how much i express it, i felt that its so wrong to put it that way as one has already have another person in her heart. Is it a sin to stealing someone's gift ? but not putting my thinking that far, i wonder still so much what am i too her ? a best friend ? a shoulder to lean on ? or what more i would think of ?

I crap too much. Gd night.

Nicholas.

I do need those.

2010-11-07T23:07:00.002+08:00

I don know but somehow yeah i do need those. Its a feeling where i felt secure having it last time when i was in a pair.. but being and uno digit isn so bad either.. i can move around freely without informing everyone *except the parents*, no anniversary to remember, no arguements, no touchie feeling, no life apparently.. somehow the feelings stuck back at me knowing that being a single digit isnt that awesome afterall.. I miss holding hands, i miss calling up for no reason, i miss randomly going over just to hug you, man i really do miss those times.. i guess it has been so long since the emotional feeling has goneby.. Karma payback is a biatch i guess.. striking me so hard till even now i couldn't reach out for that feeling.. Letting go those other chances was barely my own fault, i wonder what other sign would you show me before i get bury alone in this grave.

To be honest, in really tired fitting myself into this society, being someone that im not.. trying so hard just to make sure i was in society itself, changing slowly adapting to something which i don really want to.. but i guess i don really have a choice don i? its like do it or lose it in a dog bite dog world.. wondering so much i've done to produce myself to occasions but somehow mine was forgotten always.. I noticed even though how much i've done, nothing much changed where i stand.. i felt somehow i'm still the same person in primary school sitting at the back of the class alone always.. not noticeable like always.

At times mood turns hazy and i have the intention to fence all incoming attention, i seek for loneliness then to reflect about the feelings which i once had.. Going to the cinema alone was the one thing most people would never do.. but apparently i would be the odd one doing that.. taking it as a treat or pat to the back after a hardworking day or somewhat, the fact that it stated that being one is equivalent to being pathetically lonely.. yes i'm and i never deny that the fact that i was used being that way.. but then feelings turns upside down and would prolly be a form an assault/offence to the person who tries to coherent with me. (: and i'm one fucking son-of-a-biatch hard to crack when im fucking emo..

somehow i couldn't really differentiate between being a best friend and a boy friend now.. somehow im stuck in between a path or a cross road.. i neither wanna approach no avoid the feeling.. its a sensation of pursuit and liberate voiding up together.. somehow it does turn me on abit.. i really do need to see a psychiatrist huh having such problem.. but yeah hearts will torn and emotions will go wrong when such stuff happens., hmph.,

When is it gonna be my turn to feel it again.. i do need those..

Nicholas.

Sir Paint-alot

2010-11-06T07:51:00.003+08:00

Recently i got the thingy for editing pics :D thanks to Andy for showing me how to do it, darn interesting and simple :x wasnt that complicated as i predicted it would be!

Its been awhile again, wasnt really in the mood to update myself in my blog.. been too pack lately with assignments and tons of presentation :\ and yesterday was awesome stuff ! went bbq and seriously my hand still smells like the sauce after scrubbing it so many times :O awesome bacon pork and beef slice :D

Recent things happen:

I dont know why but it seems like im avoiding alot of things.
I fell for someone :D *in a good way*
Im tired most of the times *sleeping time cut to only 4/5 hours*
My emoness is kinda under control *fuck that*
I miss basketball and bowling
I hugged alot lately (: *well more than usual)

So yeah, rushing for my basketball session now :D wil update when i feel like it again :3

Regards,

Nicholas

Buzzle Nuzzle (i cant think of anything)

2010-10-14T23:24:00.002+08:00

“I’m just not your type”

Was something i would wanna hear to turn me off :l apparently i was pretty much very busy with reality. Juggling around my time, making way for people and lying to myself that everything goes on well.. Dude, lying can sometimes be a positive motivation to carry on this kinda retard life :3 awesomely i need more distraction in life so that i could carry on doing dumbnut stuff instead of being jealous of such petty stuff.. maybe..

Weekends to bukit tabor ! But i would be bring my dslr :l bulky and it would be darn troublesome just to carry it up like that. But first swimming session with the course mates ! and prolly going to Laundry after that x_x nisha ! ima see ya fall !! :3

Oh oh i’ve been taking piano lessons now, from Jose, ima dominate the whole world with my awesomeness.. (oh go fuck urself) =.=’’ but yeah, something which i would wanna learn long time.. hopefully i could save enough to get myself a secondhand piano :D and earn some more cash for 100mm 2.8L macro lens ;__; part time job needed !

I need more photosessions too :3 no kaki ):

Nicholas.

Me.Muero.

2010-09-30T15:52:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile since i last posted something texty, so yeah, rounding up what happen today. Apparently business admin exam suck, came in late with cass and wtf din know it was open book exam and we are allowed to move around as long as passing up the work before 12pm.. worst ever feeling to begin with.. its like a sucker punch directly on the face after knowing that we could like move around ):

To make my day even worst, saw her with that day was the most shocking highlight of the day.. man what the heck.. saw them holding hands, it felt like a kick to the sack and my heart plunged into a deep freaking hole. sigh. I kinda rage over jose over that.. but what am i doing ? sigh.. i really like her but.. just but.... all i did was smile and said hi.. what the fuuuuuck..

Ended up text her congrates and now i shall start avoiding huh ? I lied about everything i guess..

Sigh.

On my way.

2010-08-30T19:09:00.002+08:00

Hehehehe.. went back to uni today and asked about the criteria needed for the transfer :3 i guess its a green light for me need not to extend another year there ! All i need now is to buck up in studies and score all B's to get the dad's approval.. Cant wait seriously to get the hell out of here !

Ohla ! Im back from tumblr.. well not back actually, just passing by :D Yus uni begins this week but im taking self declare holiday for the first week of studies as a prep for getting used to studying again hehehehehe.. and ! im heading to Perth soooooon for holiday though.. to meet andy the panda and ee the baby eater ! woooohoooo, picturesss i shall take and vid blog prolly there ! omg i cant wait ! its been awhile since i last travel ! :3

I noticed lately i've fall for someone ! :X but the problem is.. She's not interested in me q-q what should i do ?

aight anyone reading my blog pls drop a comment what should i do :x apparently she has someone else in mind.. i should carry on with it ?

Nicholas :)

Shifting.

2010-08-19T22:56:00.002+08:00

Hi all ! im shifting to Tumblr now :D but might still post something here *Ryan call me not to leave ):* so yeah i would do daily posting there and occasionally postings here i guess :3

Its bustedbunnie.tumblr.com :D

follow me there !

Nicholas.

*Lazy to change the fonts*

Dreams shall be dreams only.

2010-08-13T12:20:00.001+08:00

Nothing much i could remember from the fantasy i was in but it was signed “Honestly Michelle”. It been an month and a half i’ve been doing nothing much during my semester break ): I finally decided to download Pirate of the Caribbean trilogy and darn it i seriously wanna go to the beach ): the taste of sea water lingers in my mouth while i watch the movies *its just a feeling don’t get it wrong*.

Nicholas

Birthday.

2010-08-06T13:37:00.003+08:00

The day which i did not anticipated has just ended just like that.. i would seriously wanna thank Doris, Jason, Joe, Loong Fatt, Mun Yew, Lissa, Mom, Dad, Adrian, Ian, Grandparents for the dinner and presents that you guys gave me and the awesome time we had for dinner J That day apparently i felt nothing special about it. Its just like another regular passing day, i guess when you reached to this age a birthday would prolly just be like another passing day huh ?

Woke up at 5am in the morning as my tummy was rumbling, had to make instant cup noodles instead. Early breakfast i guess. Lissa said i was excited that it was my J but yeah somehow i felt excited in a way. I was kinda like putting hopes on something which i knew wouldn’t happen. I wish so much she would wish me at least once. Just this one time. But apparently fat hopes again. Waited whole day for a text, waited every moment for some minor spark to happen, one simple wish, a text, would seriously brighten up my life abit. I waited on and on and on till the early morning of 3am. I guess i really did do something which made her really angry at me huh? ): even Beve din text me one, i guess that would happen already after the last text i texted her saying don’t she feels selfish for what she has done. I was apparently ready to lose a friend. I was being like how Michelle was treating me towards her. I suck.

Ian got me a condom for my bday. Wow thx. Ima decorate my room with penis balloons soon J Adrian got me a bottle :3 i guess its from you and Debbie huh ? :D thx and Doris and the gang thx for the T-Shirt :3 all that’s left is getting my very own Nissin Di622 flash :D ! but yeah that have to wait for awhile. Till I’ve enough cash that is.

Placing hope in something that I know wouldn’t happen is what I do best. Sigh.

Happy Birthday to me.

Nicholas.

Far.

2010-07-31T01:46:00.004+08:00

You've been gone for so long
and I can't feel your touch
So I just want you to know
I miss you so much

I sit here day-dreaming
day after day
and that very cute smile of yours
just won't go away

So I'll wait for the day
that you and I can be
But for now I just want you to know
You mean so much to me.

Wondering again all over the whole day, what or how could u define “friends”, being neglected so much and used by them wasn’t really the motive of having them in the first place right ? I was called arrogant after i’ve decided to ignore everything they ask of me. I pushed every offer given, every sorry which are unforgiven, its kinda sad actually knowing so much you put your trust on them, knowing they are they to support you but eventually being an arse or biatch using you ? I’ve far forgiven to many excuses from you and this practically was the last straw. I was being far too naive to be used by you for your petty works and now its time to say goodbye. Its was nice being used by you (:

I somehow felt alot after reading Jose’s Blog. Eventually some goes to the form6 friends of mine.. i felt a certain distance there.. like the hiandbye kinda friend ? right jose ? We used to be so close but now its like a piece of crap huh ? Same goes to the childhood ones. Its seem the group or range of people we trust has been limited down to those few only.

And i got a feeling the Pangkor trip will fail again. Im tired.. no more high hopes.. good bye July and welcome August ?

Define Friendship doh.. I see not much good ones doh ? want a Pikachu car ? :3

Nicholas

Remembrance.

2010-07-29T09:19:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile again.

Somehow, when i login into blogger i don really feeling like typing things down. Its like everything i’ve been ranting is the same thing all over.

“The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.”

Wondering what would happen always in the future worries me most, having cousins and friends at my age getting married, makes me feel kinda left out somehow. Im like 22 and still single *not to mention kept bragging about the pass in here*, seriously need to get a life or something. Its the sem break now, and i spend most of my time watching downloaded videos by Adrian.. Yes my sem break is gonna be fucking wasted just like that.. Every time i think of organizing a small trip, i just cant find the suitable people to go with.. eventually i found out that my group of friends really is that limited. Apparently everything is always the same no matter how much you try to change.

Beve called me out yesterday, i guess its a no rejection thing. But i think it will do me good by not staying indoors all day.. will be meeting up Cole and Doi Doi today, and also Lissa ! hopefully things wont get too odd.. sigh.. i wanna be cool too.. teach me how to speak with a certain slang ): accent i mean.. meh.. fml.

Oh oh for some reason, im listening back again to all utada hikaru songs. And yes it reminds me of my fucking lame past. I guess a broken toy will still consider broken even though it has been repaired huh?

The view from my window is seriously awesome.. it doesn’t keep me calm but apparently its soothing hahaha.. prolly i’ve been staring the laptop for too long ):

Doom 3 – almost made me pee in my pants >: fucking horror game.

To Ryan : chill dude :3 if you need to talk to someone, you can always PM me on msn. I’ll reply unless im sleeping :[ but yeah chill :3

And the same in every blog post: i miss you dearly..

Utada Hikaru – For you.

Nicholas

Clinging.

2010-07-18T00:27:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile again.. I’ve been ill *fever, flu, cough, sore throat* directly after my finals.. Awesome way to start my sem break huh ): but yeah everything seems alright now.. all thats left is some minor cough and some sudden headaches which come and go.. Been awesome boring lately at home.. Didnt manage to get a part time job, which suck, they told me 2 months isn’t enough and have to work like at least 3 months.. sigh.. oh well, 2 months of housework would be awesome sometimes.. (:

Been sharing alot lately with a friend, i’m not alone again.. im seeking a motivation so that i could once again go to the club.. but yet i seek none yet.. michelle was the main reason i kept on going.. even Sundays which now i don’t. I would wait for her while she has her table tennis practice.. but now Sundays are more like and off day.. i would just stay at home and laze around.. sigh.. i feel so lifeless indeed..

Dad has been pushy about me being single.. he wouldn’t shut up during dinner time asking when would i bring someone to meet him.. He kept on giving suggestions on who and who should i be with and stuff, its retard i know and he kepts on mentioning about the same old thing always.. wish i could just escape it all ):

I thought i was moving somewhere but actually i notice i was actually lying to myself about it all.. whats the next step that i should really take ? really eager to go to perth but somehow there’s something lacking.. i just don know what.. Progressing somewhere which i may but somewhere which its daze, i wonder so much how it may, for now it shall be none.. oh well, i guess i’m stuck to what im now..

Beve came back from London, but i heard nothing from her except from dad.. meh.. why much he keep saying such lame stuff.. duuude i don wanna know.. she will find me when she will.. i don fucking care dong.. -.-‘’

Somehow i felt that the world is against me.. or is it just me against the whole world ? hmmm ?

Procrastinates ~*

Nicholas

Its just the stars and me.

2010-07-04T02:01:00.001+08:00

It was never the same..

I felt alot of thing missing today.. not in terms of material but in terms of feeling.. it was so empty to begin with.. Whole day spent on my lazy bean bag and im not in the mood seriously to face the final paper for advertising. . its prolly cuz of the short semester feelings.. i wanna go perth not for her.. its just that i would wanna experience a whole new life.. but somehow the parents nagging kinda made me feel that i should actually let go of that dream..

Went to raintree for basketball but no one was there.. it somehow let me get the feeling of letting go basketball.. i felt lonely.. i wonder why always the weekends bring no joy to me anymore.. as i started falling back to why i started basketball.. i wonder so much should i give up the sport i like.. the main reason of basketball that time was because of her.. as there’s no longer her here now.. i felt that there’s no more reason to continue playing to impress..

Sometimes i do slap myself in the face so that i could stop wasting my time thinking about what has happened but sometimes the feeling about how much i do miss her always ended up hitting me back hard. I did tried.. apparently its just too hard sometimes..

I need a shoulder..

Im jealous..

I just plainly miss you and i know it doesn mean anything..

Nicholas

Long weekend it seems.

2010-06-29T01:42:00.004+08:00

Indeed it had been a long weekend for me, been drowning myself by my own procrastination *advertising campaign research*. Somehow now reflecting back the weekends.. i kinda left the feeling on what does it felt like going back to uni and being with my course mates.. Been too busy lately stuffing myself from all those procrastination which i had made.. but yeah it was a long weekend, and i ended up breaking down on Saturday night.. my head was about to burst and all sounds are hindrance to me at that time.. i was extremely tired thats for sure.

Sunday was quiet seriously.. nothing much happened, which ended up made me kept on thinking about weird stuff again. Don get me wrong i don mean “weird” stuff.. just plain self reflection again. I begin to feel that time really do pass fast. Its already ending of June 2010 since i started my degree.. its been 4 years since i last saw you. So many things had happen but yet the feelings are still the same..

Monday went to a crapy gathering.. it seems like i’ve let go my Form6 roots.. being the arse hole i would say myself but its a feeling i couldn't avoid. As an organizer not attending was the stupidest thing an organize can commit and that seriously was the last straw for me. I normally don’t get piss that easily but this one was a fuck up situation. It’s not the first time anyway.

Putting all aside, i like my DP for Facebook. Its been awhile since i last took picture of myself. I’m happy with it i would say (:

My passion for photography will never die, its just that i don’t have enough time for everything.. ima get a part time job soon for the coming semester break. I need the cash for my time being in Australia next year. Im happy yet sad to live the place where i was born.. i do feel sceptical on whether should i pursuit my studies there. Part of me really wants to but yet there’s too a part of me don’t, mix feelings i guess.. i promise i will miss you mom and dad. So how within this month or so i will think more about it.

Frankly speaking i would enjoy being alone alot, but being an asian is tough. Nurtured in a way that you have the agitated feeling when living you nest where you belong. I’m always a sceptical person when it comes to believing but yeah, crappy me.

I don’t feel quite ready to move to a bigger picture of my life yet. And i know everything will be hard now on. I love not the feelings now. I guess ima sit on it awhile and get things sorted out for the time being..

Nicholas..

So thank you for the broken heart..

2010-06-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

I tried but I can't forget you.

I tried to not think of you.
I tried to not talk about you.
I tried to not look at you.
I tried to insult you.
I tried to hurt you.
I tried to hide from you.
I tried to love someone else.

But still . . .

I can't forget our strange memories.
I can't forget your sweet voice.
I can't forget your unique appearance.
I can't not feel bad that I offended you.
I can't not feel awful that I hurt you.
I can't not avoid you.
I can't love anyone else the way I love you.

I tried but I can't forget you

Thank you for the broken heart..

Nicholas.

Im still into you :(

2010-06-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

Every life there’s an object.

After receiving the news, my heart went blank as though it sank down a very deep hole. I’ve long hard trying to forget the sad past and move on to another stage of life.. but somehow just a simple text message changes the whole atmosphere. Its as though being kick back to square one thinking about you all over. Here i stand again wondering so much about the times we had together. Yes, i maybe a jerk that time but i’ve tried hard to change now for you. I guess ones our path went parallel there’s no way there are gonna meet again right ? I hope for you all the best there in Australia. I wanna sent you good bye to the air port but i guess my appearance would only be a nuisance to your eyes. Here i write a post which i’ve long let go all over again. Missing you in every stage of my life even though its just a waste of time..

Sitting aside at a corner again wondering so much is there even a chance a spark would light up the fire again, wondering so much that would you ask anyone how I am doing so much as im asking for you every time I see your brother. Thinking much i shall ma but its true what i do.. I already tried so hard to move on but why everything have to start over again.. its the same case with Lynette.. she looks so much exactly like michelle but somehow she rejected my friend request always.. are they twins !? >_> me him just purely fuck up.. whats wrong with all these signs god dammit.. why do you have to go away.. from me..

My world is nothing without you.. i die for you, i lie for you.. sigh.. i just would die for you.. give up my life for you.. thinking back all the times of us together.. from merely strangers then to best friends.. i miss those feelings.. i miss looking you in the eyes.. i miss your voice truely.. the way you smile.. the cute giggles.. those memories.. the heart felt like it has been strike hard in the middle with a blunt dagger.. sigh.. looking back brings us no where.. but every step i take reminds me of you always.. hard headed i may be but my feelings for you is real where how it should be.. im sorry for all the bad things i did.. im a jerk when it comes to it all.. all i wish is that you would just come back and look at me.. and give me a sign whichever it will be. Im sorry.. i never mean to hurt you..

I like the phrase from a song

We'll both promise
Will be true until eternity
Cuz' you know I promise
Is what makes my beat
Special and experience
With a special someone
Share true patient with that
One and only someone
True love is promised
They will never break apart
They used to be single
Now they both matched hearts

I never mean to make you cry..

You indeed lighten up my life.. Take care..

(Yiruma – Kiss the Rain)

Nicholas.

Im tired.

2010-06-20T02:51:00.002+08:00

I’m tired of being misunderstood,

nerves are shot,

weak – like old wood.

I’m tired of being ill,

no energy, can’t think,

losing my skills.

I’m tired of so-called friends,

stabbing me in the back,

again and again.

I’m tired of trying to make things right,

i give up – I surrender,

no will to fight.

I’m tired of seeing others in pain,

raises frustration,

drives me insane.

I’m tired of not being able to cry,

i’d melt away,

nothing left inside.

I’m tired because I can’t feel,

walking in a daze – numb

this can’t be real.

I’m tired of being “strong,”

i’m weak, i’m fragile,

its gone on way to long.

I don’t know what else to say,

i’m hoping, i’m dreaming,

i’m begging, i’m pleading,

please, take this feeling away.

Right now… I’m just tired…

Nicholas..

Another week eh ?

2010-06-15T15:31:00.003+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and i was like suppose to finish my assignment ): meh.. i end up watching a movie called hearty paw. Korean movie about two orphans and a dog in how they do in their life. Darn sad story and i nearly cired .__. Meh when was the last time did i cried ): but yeah come to think of it.. what if one day my two dogs die.. ): i wonder what would happen then ): meh.. im being emo again..

Some weird pixs which i wanna post !

Yumey being retard !

Kick to the sack :\

Back to assignment!

Nicholas..

Lonel-li-ty.

2010-06-10T22:45:00.003+08:00

Apparently depression wasn’t the one that kicked me on the butt today but merely just lonely feeling again.. scrolled through the msn box, looking for victim to hear my speech of doom.. but meh.. there wasn’t really anyone i would like to bugg on.. or no one wanna bug me.. something like that =[ im lonely and moaning to socialize with someone q-q and meh wat the fuck right.. seriously fml so much that im like begging for someone to chat with.. ): sigh..

And yes apparently i was a bit cocky during design class ): sorry lissa, cass, ben and sam :[ i din mean to do that.. just that i wanted to act cool sometimes 8D so yeah.. sowiieeeee ):

Oh yeah another thing is that im changing email add, add me here Bustedbunnie@hotmail.com or u would prolly never gonna see crazy_wing88@hotmail.com ever online again hahaha.. i found out that im hard to be with my cousin gary.. somehow our group of friends and us well don’t really click that well.. after i replied that message on FB, there wasn’t any replied from the others anymore.. i guess i should just back off and stick with doris and the others. Apparently i can feel the hatred of them towards me somehow. YUS IM PSYCHIC 8D..

I guess ima skip hiking with yew phin next week ): wrong group of friends bro, we don’t click that well doh.

Nicholas..

Sugar-free happy thoughts

2010-06-07T22:31:00.004+08:00

Im so into B.o.B ft Hayley Williams – airplanes. (-3-)

But yeah i woke up today due to a weird dream i had. I had my mouth pierced and fucktard dreaming pain woke me up ): and lol when i woke up, the first thing i did was touch my lips whether the piercings was there or not hahaha.. and meh it wasn’t ): it would be awesome if it did lol.. and i dreamed i tattoo my arm a “family” wording there ): im going wild soon.. mom would prolly kick me out of the house for having such weird hobbies eh o: nuuuuu its called body art..

Last Friday, went to Bkt Tinggi ( Tall Hill direct translation lol) with Doris and her friends. It was fun, well fun in a way hahaha.. manage to get a photography session which i long moan for it. But somewhat boring up there ): nothing much to see besides Japanese tea garden and the French village. But yeah awesome, saw big huge toads =.= lame yes i know, city kid me i r >_>

water droplets. calm-ness

Frog meditating

Big eyes !

Im contented to have friends like you guys 8D

Cant remember what i wanna type but yeah next time !

Nicholas

When i needed someone..

2010-06-04T22:46:00.001+08:00

*scrolls phone book*

I feel kinda agitated today.. don know why but yeah.. i just need to talk with someone somehow.. but as flip through my phone book.. i don really know who to text to.. sigh.. fml..

Nicholas..

What did i do ):

2010-06-02T00:13:00.003+08:00

Okay.. i’m so lost now.. i felt somehow we are back as where it is.. just mere strangers towards each other.. did i do something wrong ); will you please tell me for what has been bothering you till you had ignore everything about me.. i guess i shouldn be so boastful at the beginning of it.. sigh.. fml for the weird first impression thingy.. or is it just me receiving the wrong signal n stuff ): i hate it when everything crumbles down.. a good friendship end up wasted or just left behind just like that.. sigh.. i don wanna get involve in stuff again.. i hate disappointments..

Or is it just me thinking too much about things again.. sigh.. i should just ignore and move straight huh ? instead of thinking so much what did i do that makes this friendship go wrong ): sigh..

Happy Bday Lissa !!

And sam ! taaadaaaaaaa !! its posted :3

and i got lame and mess with nami tamaki ;o

I guess it all me doing the nub thinking ): sigh..

i wan another holiday..

Nicholas..

Minor Update ! :3

2010-05-31T00:04:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile since i last posted something.. so yeah before hitting the sack, i thought of posting something up here hahaha.. minor updates actually :3

Bad weekend i would say, twisted my ankle badly.. and darn tsui ken i know u wanted to kick the ball away but basketball doesn allow kicking =.= please play properly ): now its all bengkak and fugly lol.. every set i take its like stepping on a needle :\ well poking side ways instead of the bottom of my leg =.=

I was asked again.. What if she comes back.. or well what if she forgives you and want you back.. i never knew whats the answer that.. but yeah.. it never does pop up to my curious mind whether she would come back one day.. i had long let her go in a way that the thought of it never do really comes to mind.. but it would be good if we were back to best friends status.. at least i know im still there to know her interesting stories..

Another shocking thing this weekend was ! tsui ken asked me to confessed if i really do love her.. *her sis/my ex* i was like choked lol-ed in the locker room.. but yeah i avoided him by changing the topic.. i guess our memories together are just sealed between us huh ? :x i guess our love was just a dream..

I do miss you which isn’t a lie i should tell but, i had moved on.. im not the same person who i used to be.. thanks to my friends and all.. im walking on a better path..

Nicholas..

FML

2010-04-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

Oh wow thx dad.. all i get was a “fuck you” full conversation when i need someone to be there for me.. thanks alot.. and its like in front of my aunt.. sigh.. i really should’ve have gone for away.. he said i can go suicide for all i want and prolly spend a day burning my corpse and dumping the ashes to the sea.. wow thanks alot dad.. i guess i really should’ve died during that accident.. then you wouldn’t have so much burden on you like right now huh ? thanks for all the so call care you gave me.. all the shouting only i guess. Thank you !

Should’ve just stuck all the fucking pain in me and not care telling others huh.. fuck my life.. seriously..

Nicholas

Being chased...

2010-04-26T11:46:00.001+08:00

Its the same dream all over again.. dreaming that i’ve been chase by some weird thingy and all blood splatted everywhere i go.. =.= I fell seriously tired instead when i wake up.. and more blur than ever.. its been like the same dream since few months ago and it comes and go :\ like once every week.. sigh.. whats the meaning of this ? am i thinking too much ? :[

Nicholas..

What if ~*

2010-04-20T02:08:00.002+08:00

What if when i close my eyes and never open again..

Will you be there for me ?

What if the we can turn back time..

Will it all be the same ?

What if i say i love you..

Will you stay by my side ?

I’m tired of putting so much hopes on something i cant possess. Keep telling myself she’s the one and end up back firing myself know the truth aint so real after all.. I posses no strength to change the past nor carve the future to my ease.. Men tend to put fake hopes and dreams sometimes to motivate themselves to carry on what they are doing.. but at times Men will fall and crumble knowing that actually the hopes and dreams set are all filled with lies.. hearts will shatter and tears will fall.. never trusting others would prolly be the first thing when ones heart is broken.. having the urge or never wanting to get hurt again, Men will hide all their emotions within his very own, letting no one using it against him.

Sad to that life is such, everything comes and goes just like that.. knowing so much that i cant obtain what i truely wish for here i shall say “I give up..”.

“Hi, you’re cute, wanna hold hands ?”

Nicholas..

=[

2010-04-17T20:22:00.001+08:00

I just so wish that you’re here sometimes.. I need a hug..

A Huuuugggieeeeeee hug..

Nicholas,,

I have a dream..

2010-04-15T08:35:00.000+08:00

I had a weird dream today and decided to talk about it here :S yes yes its a weird dream, i dream that being in a world like Alice in wonderland where all things are weird and colourful and there many weird creatures ! short red strips zebras were one of them and yeah they look exactly like candy cane sweets :o awesome huh ? and the weirdest part of it is, i dreamt that pei ning was a cycborg :o she has like jet pack legs and rocket punching hands :\ it was some how amazing that our imagination can run that wild huh ? and i remember dreaming of a weird insect that looks like a crab but not a crab :\ somewhat amazing that i can think such retarded stuff :o

Apparently i got presentation today and i shall be on my way to face the terror of it ! wish me luck and hopefully there’s some more parking space when i arrive there :\ which i guess not sigh.. oh well thats about it i guess :o

Will talk more about it after my presentation *4 hours break* :\

Nicholas..

:|

2010-04-13T00:32:00.001+08:00

Apparently i’m not the one huh?.. sigh..

Chika Chika !

Nicholas..

This is not about me..

2010-04-07T01:01:00.003+08:00

*turns on To Zanarkand*

I have a passion of writing when i encounter certain parts of life.. observing around me, looking at expressions and emotions would prolly make me see what life could bring up to.. This time and this post isn’t for me.. I writing on be have the feelings i would prolly free for the person i do care of dearly.. even though there’s nothing much between us..

A story of someone’s life i felt touch after looking but sometimes things doesn’t accommodate on what we want it to be.. No longer together or baring the pain, its a challenge i would say that would bring one together much closer.. bonding i would rather put it as.. This isn’t mine to begin with, i would state again.. this is for a friend i could feel the pain within..

I know even though bloging about it wouldn’t help much but i hope things get better.. i got so much to say, so much to highlight about but i got my limits on know what to write and stuff ): the more i look at it, the more fragile my heart becomes.. its not that i want things to be my way.. for some reason i just wan them to be happy.. i rather even sacrificing myself in anyway to achieve that.. meh.. i guess it wouldn’t help much at all..

JVIN quoted “ you are only a knight not a prince..”

Indeed its true.. i cant do much but just to lend my shoulder to everyone. If you need anything, just ring my bell.. i would definitely open my arms to anyone.. just don spam me will do :3 hahaha..

Man i just wish i could type what ever i wan now..

Don think too much kay ? i here if u need anything (:

Nicholas..

Vid vid vid

2010-04-05T22:43:00.002+08:00

I some how gonna miss the times v wasted together :D

awesome guys..

oh yeah its low quality :| malas upload

Ohhhhhh Emmmmm Geeeeee !

2010-03-30T00:11:00.002+08:00

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Emmmmmmmmmmmmmm Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!

She talked to meeee and said yes which i know it was just a joke but i feel haaapppyyyy..

I’m not weird =[

Nicholas..

Pinch of salt eh ?

2010-03-27T15:59:00.001+08:00

I’m happy this semester J my friend network has finally expanded to a larger radius :3 but still, stating that HELP sucks still remain in my perception lol.. who can deny that ? seriously having retard lecturers who give weird assignments till that u have to take a bus to another faculty.. and well the postpone thingy regarding the shifting to the new campus.. oh HELP.. how could we ever love you more if you keep delay such matters around =[ and having weird people around =_= seriously weird people i would say..

BUT

I’m still happy knowing new friends :D thx HELP lolx..

I’m just bored...

Nicholas

Malay Food..

2010-03-22T16:13:00.001+08:00

I’m so not going to have malay food for lunch anymore =_= it made me sleeeeeeepy.. and seriously sleepy.. 1 hour after lunch and i already feel drowsy =|

I’m some-what happy to meet someone :D

Nicholas

Looking back..

2010-03-19T00:53:00.002+08:00

I never like heights to begin with.. It was one of my greatest fear in life besides being homeless and lonely.. Seriously would like to say congrates to Adrian for the solo flying thingy and manage to land safe and sound.. salute..

I’ve been looking back alot, or should i say reviewing back on what has been done again.. i’m yes indeed being very emotional thinking what wrong have i done and imagining what would it be next time in the future being alone.. indeed would be an awful feeling coming back home alone where nothing much expected in the daily life routine.. i always wonder alot nowadays.. i’ve been long being other people’s shoulder to lay on.. i really do wonder when would it be my turn to lean on someone.. it has been far too long the feelings i’ve extended and i can strongly say that the feelings haven even faded one bit.. yes indeed i had hated you for what you have done.. but still it all reflects on what i’ve done that made you react this way huh.. action and reaction =|

I’m still counting on the days..

Nicholas..

Issues..

2010-03-17T23:38:00.002+08:00

Why did i have to go and click that.. knowing that she was a friend of hers.. sendiri gatal i guess.. things wouldn’t change no matter how many times you wish it would be and i guess giving way sometimes does help alot in other stuffs.. But how much more can i endure such pain as in being dump aside and being an outcast to your eyes.. Doris says write what you like or feel and yes this is what i felt.. its like a cycle, circulating all over again.. and sometimes i tend to ask myself again..

What is love ?

How do you know that you’re in love ?

What are the signs of it ?

I guess i totally forgotten how such beautiful feeling would felt like.. So forcing myself to like others would prolly be the ingenuine side of he eh ? And thanks for rejecting me, calling me to wait for another 2 years. I prolly would end up hurting you and giving up half way.. prolly the like feeling isn’t strong enough convert into love feeling i guess.. The feeling which of in love which i could only recall the time being with you.. how much i had regretted not keeping it close to me.. i aint proud of what i did seriously and i felt that i one handedly busted my whole life for being so stupid..

Yes, i would say i’m an emo person and its a waste of time thinking back.. but could you give me such feelings back ? i guess not huh ...

Images of you would never fade from me and i shall keep it safe with me.. i will wait for you..

Nicholas

Bells..

2010-03-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

I like the bells from my blog.. it seriously does call me down and yeah i’m piss indeed..

Nicholas..

Been thinking..

2010-03-15T00:48:00.001+08:00

Been thinking of if lately all over again.. I know very well things would never happen again but still, why am I looking back on the things which had happened.. There’s no turning or time warping to the time where everything use to be.. all thats left is sulking and regrets from the past mistakes.. Every free time i had, will contribute more on the thoughts of you.. i know what i’m doing would be just a waste of time.. but still there’s nothing more regretful that losing a person like you..

Our time together had long pass.. all that’s left are regrets and self inflicted pain.. sigh.. i do feel lonely.. its all a set back made by my very self to put hold on those memories we use to be together.. ironic feelings of not letting go even though it has been 3 years pass.. i haven seen you since then.. i really do wonder how are you doing and what would you think of me again..

I do regret for what i’ve done..

Nicholas..

i like apples again

2010-03-07T02:48:00.001+08:00

I like this pic thats all i wanna say..

I like apples =]

2010-03-06T02:04:00.002+08:00

I’m practically going insane soon due to the fact of rushing the COMMUNICATION THEORY assignments.. We have to like choose a theory from the text book and base on it find 2 articles to either support the theory or well disagree with it.. and wow imagine writing them in like 1500 ~ 2000 words.. epic eh ? my head spinning round and round now summarizing what i’ve read just to define what is DIALECTICAL THEORY -_- and i haven even manage to find the theory.. i seriously regret taking up this subject = = lolx and Mr Kannan seriously suck in teaching.. Monotonous speech he gives, and wow he reminds me of PN KHOO ! My Chemistry teacher from SMK COCHRANE. EPIC ! xD

Meh its looks like its gonna be a darn long night for me Q_Q i love you my pillow lolx don miss me tonight =[

A good laugh indeed >:3

2010-03-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

Lolx far-nie today.. its the first time i see lissa in such condition xD kept making those weird face ! darn cute huh ? xDD i bet she's under complete stress today.. O_o hahahaha.. and raymond with his dirty jokes *even though he didn mean it* really crack me up.. i laughed alot today =) thx alot guys :D

Dad forced me eat alot during dinner again Q_Q

Nicholas..

I like to eat but..

2010-03-03T08:00:00.002+08:00

I had pizza yesterday for dinner, awesome i know hahaha.. its been awhile since i last had such meal.. So yeah i ate non stop not noticing how many slices i ate lolx.. prolly 9 pieces = = sigh i know alot right ? darn adrian aint here to share them with me =[ ian doesn wanna help finish them =[ mom doesn eat much and dad don like dinner = = damn u guys Q_Q

Meh, i practically gain some weight already by then when i started noticing i ate too much yesterday =[ i guess its time to lose weight again =[ say goodbye to junkies and sweet drinks Q_Q wan me to cut some fats for ya ? :D

Nicholas..

Bye bye new year :D

2010-03-01T01:11:00.003+08:00

It has been fun meeting up with you, the days we had together even though its merely only 15 days but we had tons of fun right ? enduring scorching heat of the blazing sun walking hand by hand together.. i shall never forget you and i promise that we shall meet each other again..

Good bye my dear CHINESE NEW YEAR !! :DDDD

hahahahaha

anyway yes indeed new year is over, we still have along way to go till the next one arrives :D i felt somehow contented with what i have now even though i din see you again for another year ~_~ which makes this the forth year huh ? meh life goes on and i shall see what future has installed for me ! :D

Ignore the pic its mere rrandom thingy i post to attract readers :D thx leng lui yiu and casie for helping promote you perverts to ma page ! lolx joke joke.. its seem i have become less anti social and i'm happy being that way but yet something still missing apart of this all sigh.. when will the right one come i would say.. oi Angeline LMAO !

Nicholas

Its been awhile..

2010-02-27T03:13:00.002+08:00

Wow seriously when was the last time i posted something hahaha.. i thought of opening a new blog for my picture but i guess Doris will call me sam pat for it >_> so meh i guess i shall stick to this >:3 since i like the url and also the blog title >:D but mom reads my blog ):

HELLO MOM

Haha, so yeah HAPPY CNY to all who are celebrating them and erm late valentine's day ? lolx.. better there then never right ? >:

anything new during the hols ? I took plenty of pictures though :D but well to look at them you have to add me on Facebook lolx.. and yeah i changed my blog templet , i guess it time to see a brighter picture in everything huh ? Hey Beve when is summer coming in UK ? >: i wanna go karaoke.. but it seems so hard to find people to accompany me Q_Q i wan ice creams, and i think apples are awesome lolx.. i pretty much feel young instead of old though.. and my new year suck alot >: i barely move and spend most of my time rotting on the bed lolx.. don get anything kinky >_>''

so meh, its just a random post to keep my blog alive >:S

take care readers and see ya soonish lolx..

Nicholas..

Its a thursdaaaaaaay~*

2010-01-28T10:20:00.001+08:00

Thats my second design :[ i'm burned out..

Lying dead..

2010-01-25T00:42:00.003+08:00

I've been spending most of my time *weekends* sleeping >_> seriously i need something inspiring my mood so that i could like carry on doing something, rather than wasting my time day dreaming or just wardering around mindlessly in my own lala land ): sigh.. I've decided ! to err i don know.. i need something to do Q___Q and i don wanna do design no more.. its mind cell consuming and and.. it makes me sleeeeeepy.. ): sigh..

Gloomy fevaa !

Back breaking :[ been staring the laptop like the whole day ):

Wondering so much these days.. i just wonder why could a person just deny my request.. i mean its just one click to approve on facebook and done.. but then its been like 4th time being rejected upon my request on it.. i guess i should just give up.. i think she's in Aust right now.. sigh.. feeling like a gawd dammit stalker right now.. i seriously need a shoulder to lie on.. is it cause i put my religious as a free thinker that's why you don wanna approve ? sigh.. man thats why i don like religions.. its like some kinda borderline between people which sometimes keep them apart.. sigh..

Sigh.. she looks just like her.. seriously.. why cant it all just go one way for once.. i;ve been agonizing myself for the past 3 years.. when will all this stop and when will i have my happiness.. my happy ending i would say.. sigh.. fuck my life huh ? i guess i just need somebody..

Ps: cant we even just be friends ?

Nicholas..

Wondering..

2010-01-12T23:54:00.004+08:00

Just looking around and staring blankly doesnt really amount to anything i guess.. looking around as in friends wise, one by one getting attach.. darn, when will it be my turn i think to myself always.. but not only do that.. there are those who just broke up too.. i guess its the ups and downs of life huh ? .. me? standing on the neutral side of both shall just sit and see the work revolves around me.. lending a shoulder to those who in need and congrates with agony to those who gets attach.. i guess thats life huh ?

I need to start treating myself better..

P.s: i pray this couple which had known each other for so long get together again.. to love someone, baring the bad side of him/her is the main objective in it.. take care both of you.. its about time to get together again..

P.s.s: yes beve i'm still waiting.. i'm so lost without her..

Nicholas..

Thoughts of you i guess..

2010-01-10T01:50:00.003+08:00

I fall flat on the same thing all over again.. i'm tired sometimes wondering so much that do you still think of me.. it seems that you seriously left a deep scar in me.. i dont know what more can i say and the only thing i could come to about is that i seriously miss you instead.. no matter how hard i try to let go the pass and look forward.. there's always something or bits of our memory that would bring me back to square one of everything.. it hurts alot imagination the pass and putting hopes that you would one day fall back to me.. even though i know thats all a made up mentality of mine but meh.. i guess i'm one stubborn bastard huh ? :[

overall i guess i cant and never would let go the past and move on i guess.. sigh.. fucktard life i have.. where's my happy ending.. i'm jealous.. around me.. mom told me to just wait.. i guess yeah.. waiting is what i do best i guess..

Night michelle..

Nichoals

Pork chop ?

2010-01-06T00:47:00.003+08:00

Again again shall i say again..

i'm seriously dull enough to get buried in all the boredom i can have :[ i need some excitement, results coming out soon and yet to see what am i gonna get.. i hate exams, come to think of it i never do like them at the first place.. who doesnt i mean haha.. seriously wastage of paper and stuff but meh.. we are not the one who set the rules..

and yes i love my new dslr and i love taking random pictures :3 and i promised ian that i will somehow randomly post this pic and actually i got more to show hahaha xD

ian is ghey

and yes i do love food and i got tons of picture i took about food :3

Lemon chicken riec *Quans ice cream cafe*

so back to where i shall say and yeah i'm bored :( and seriously wanna do something and and i think too much also.. sometimes i think to much till the extend of should i randomly grab a temporary GF.. fuck my life.. i prolly need more social attention thats why.. suck it all suckers ! >_>

should i actually ? a random speech.. sigh.. i'm depress somehow after thinking too much about it.. i really do wonder next time would i die a lonely death in front the laptop with facebook on ROFL >_> shit sudah bocor rahsia that i was camping in facebook lol.. fuck it :s

anyway or anyhow i guess i will still live on thinking about chu :(

nightz world

Nicholas..

2010 !

2010-01-02T18:19:00.002+08:00

I couldnt seriously believed that 22 years have already passed or something like that :s as i, nicholas lim wen yao has walked/crawled/rolled/annoyed/emo/etc on this very little planet Earth for 22 years ! and yes i'm still alive and regardless on whats coming towards me in the year 2010 i shall see how or what can i do about it :3

Resolutions ! like every year, everyone tend to have some new year resolutions to set as a goal to be achieved by then throughout the whole process time frame of 365 days in this very freaking year :O and yeah like what my facebook status said, i somehow felt offended or annoyed in a way which i cant explain ! and yes doris i'm being sampat in a way which i tend to be an attention seeker ! hahaha~*

alright so yeah resolutions resolutions~*

i would first like to jump in a pool of lava to cleanse the evil thought of mine :D !

second ! killing all mosquitoes so that the would would be a blood sucking-less place to be hohoho~*

third ! being more emo which i could already have been so that i can dominate the world with my emo-ness power !

forth ! spam more on facebook which you can ever imagine !

Fifth ! err, looking forward to see you? lol dream on sucker >_>

and the resolution list goes on and on and on ~*

yes i got my DSLR for christmas and thanks dad a gazilion for it :3 i love you lots even though listening to the fuck you everyday lol x) and is in melaka somehow i feel lonely BUT i the car is mine to hog on rofl :p

and yes ! my final wish for THIS YEAR ! issssssssssss, hugging you and whispering i'm sorry to you which only a fucktard like me could freaking imagine or wish for it lol~* and and and ~* yeah and i cant remember :[ having headaches but meh going tracking tomorrow with Mr Ken and the others x) need to BOLD his name here so that jadikan dia dalam kumpulan kita.. wow apasal ada BM kat sini >_> ok no more, back to english :3

so yeah happy new year to all and all the best take care and stuff and darn beve why din wish me new year or something :[ even christmas.. i guess u forgotten about me huh? :[ how could chu... T_T *emoz*

hugs and kisses.. i don miss you ! *its a lie* Q_Q

Nicholas..

On the stage..

2009-12-06T01:58:00.003+08:00

Behind the back door at the dark alley is where we got in from, Jean and I went in as fast as we can because it was raining.. Droplets of rain forming an ensemble of melody.. I told myself that I'm ready for this and I will do it.. As we go in.. We heard soft songs been played and people talking.. Taking off my jacket as it was all soak up from the rain.. The owner welcome us with a happy grind on his face and offered us warm coffee before we start our work..

*Sips*

Jean: We are finally here..

Nick: Yeah.. finally.. never dreamed so for that something like this could happen..

Jean: *smacks head* We are here and thats final ):

Nick: *rubs head* hahaha yeah (:

Owner: Ready ? It time kids..

Jean: Yeah, lets go Nick..

Nick: *sips* Okay..

Hearing the owner announce our name, without knowing my right palm was sweating from the fact I clench my fist.. It was a sign of nervousness.. Am I not ready for this.. I kept asking myself should i carry on with it or just back down ? Jean noticed that i was having cold sweat and smack my head again.. *ouch* but when i looked into her eyes, its like she's telling me that everything will be alright.. Telling myself again that this is my only chance to perform, I've decided to carry on with all i got..

*walks up the stage*

Wow.. imagine this !

A real live performance in a bar and you in it !

about 200 people out there.. in a crowded room.. so this is what it feels like being up here.. as the spot light shine on me.. i kinda went blank on what am I suppose to do.. Image 200 pairs of eyes looking at you.. how scary is that ? *smack at the head again*, Jean woke me up from my nothing box again.. well she's use to me staring blankly always and knowing that a smack at the head help me come back to my senses..

As i hold the guitar up, my hand stated to tremble again.. sigh.. and when i look out the crowd.. i spotted someone.. It was her.. My heart skipped a beat wondering is it really her.. staring longer to confirm is it her before getting another smack at the head by jean..

Nick: Hey i'm not a hitting target Jean..

Jean: Then quit spacing out and focus on what we are suppose to do here..

Nick: *sigh*

Putting her aside, i begin strumming our first song.. Solanin, which means Goodbye.. even though my hands are trembling but i still focus on what i was suppose to do.. the crowd was listening, that makes me relax more on what am i doing.. in the end i went into a trance, playing the song with all my feelings in it.. it was awesome.. the feeling was unable to define in words, and with Jean's voice everything was perfect as what i felt.. Feeling the microphone near my lips, i too sang.. the sensation was one of a kind.. its like your soul floating together with the rhythm of the song.. one word i would say, Magnificent..

After the last strum, the crowd cheered with loud claps and people whistling, from there we knew that our performance was awesome.. Giving a sigh of relief and wiping off the sweat on my fore head, we carry on with our other songs.. it was seriously a blast experience for me finally being able to show what i'm interested in doing and expressing myself the way i enjoy doing..

Every time i strum my guitar, it was full with passion in what i'm doing, my lips near the microphone as if leading my voice out by its own when singing the song.. Jean, thanks.. for encouraging me and giving me hope.. Thank you..

Before finishing our performance.. i told Jean that i wanted to perform this last song.. She agreed on it and this time i would be the one singing instead of her.. she said she would instead be the back-up singer.. Telling the crowd that this would be the last song and saying that this is for her.. i started strumming the melody with my guitar and the song begins.. While i was singing, i noticed the crowd was as if they are totally into the song which i was singing.. i was indeed glad.. looking at hear at the end table with her friends too listening to the song.. i hope that she feels it.. but i guess not.. the song i sang was Fall for you by secondhand serenade..

After the whole event, i gave Jean a hug and thank her for helping me out and giving me this opportunity.. Packing up before we leave the bar.. hoping that she would at least see me before i leave.. but then she din turn up.. in fact it hurt so much knowing that she doesnt appreciate or notice what i was expressing to her.. Giving out a huge sigh of depression for what i've done being un-noticed, Jean smacked my head again..

Nick: Hey *sniffs*

Jean: Wake up dummy >:(

Nick: Lets go grab a bit..

Jean: :) you;re paying it !

*both laugh and walk out from the back door of the bar*

P.S: i wish i have the pictures to show you xS

TO BE CONTINUE...

What am i missing..

2009-12-03T23:02:00.002+08:00

Noticing that i've been missing alot of things lately around me. Regardless on friends, sports and stuff.. i found out that i'm actually missing a thing call happiness in life.. what joy should i be having if i make myself miserable like now ? but it all still come down to the same answer why couldn't i be with her.. noticing alot today after looking her pics on facebook from ian's acc.. her smile and all makes me wonder why couldn i felt the same way like her.. it seems i've been missing alot of things for the pass 2 years of sadness and hatred.. sigh.. how should i go change myself and enjoy what i have now.. as i look around.. i couldn have the same thing as her or anyone.. i guess the lack of human social and also inevitable time i have to waste with me.. sigh..

fuck this life i guess..

sitting now at a corner staring blankly.. i just notice my room is actually that big..

noticing the picture of you which i don wanna throw..

noticing all the presents and gives all around..

the one thing i fail in life is losing you..

sigh..

to who it may concern.. i do think about you..

Nicholas..

Solanin

2009-11-30T01:59:00.002+08:00

Miss understanding is beyond the sky,

its been a life spend just to say goodbye,

though i caught a glimpse of the future,

but now its good bye,

if i had done this, if i could go back

but i'll never be the way i used to be.

someone else lives in the place is used to live,

the horrible things you said to me,

the day i wasted.

the can of coffee on freezing winter days,

the long rainbow-coloured scarf,

the way i jogged through the back alley,

it all comes flooding back,

even if this cheap happiness never ended,

the seed of something dark

are going to sprout,

its gonna be goodbye some day.

Goodbye, i don't care

you'll make it somewhere,

i can manage on my own

and its what i'm gonna do.

Nicholas..

Re-entertain the moments.

2009-11-15T23:25:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile since i post a normal post >_> ba so here goes one.

Adrian has gone to flying school in Melacca, and for god sake i feel an extreme lonely black shot feeling in me.. suddenly thinking so much that i would depart from him. well i get to hog the car on my own now *wohooo* but still for some reason i wasnt really contented on that.. instead, i felt sad.. seriously sad that adrian is now spreading his wings pursuing his dreams.. well i guess good luck bro.. will be missing you and remember to sms or call us when you're free.. i will be there anytime if you need someone to talk to (: sigh..

Oh yeah i changed my blog's song to taeyang's wedding dress.. awesome song !! i seriously feel in love with the lyrics.. totally beat fall for you by second hand serenade ! man now waiting for stupid maxis to provide the caller ringtone and i'm all set ! :3 and yeah once again i relate that song to my condition with michelle.. well whats the use anymore.. she wouldn listen or even care about me now..

Today, for the very first time i experience total loneliness at home. Others went, Melacca to send Adrian there.. so yeah i got the whole house to myself ! awesome ? Wrong ! was totally boring lonely and encouraging me to emo more in the end.. derived from everything i spend most of my time with the dogs.. sitting outside and enjoying the heavy rain. Oh yeah my mom forget to leave the spare key for me and i have to climb out of the house instead.. uber ghey.. >_>

Well the most i gotta say is that i seriously aint ready to get our you yet i guess.. or is it that i need someone by myself now ? lonely lonely.. 21 year old suck the most for me.. a lonely one indeed.

P.S: ignore the pic, i randomly grab it..

Nicholas..

Wedding dress..

2009-11-15T03:13:00.001+08:00

You and he would argue
Then sometime tears would drip.
As you’re struggling, I felt the rays of hope
My heart s-s-shattered in the silence
And I would calm down as I look at your smile
I conceal and hide my feelings away from you
Because if you find out, we may be no longer together.
I hold my breath
And bite my lips
Then I hope that she’s by my side, not his.

Baby, please don’t hold his hands
Cuz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting forever, so please look at me.

Once the music starts
You’ll take the eternal pledge with him
I prayed and hoped
that this day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

I hated you
for not understanding how I felt.
So at one point, I even wished for your misery.
But my tears were already d-d-dried up.
Every night I felt anxious
and now if I think about it, I might have already foreseen this event.
I close my eyes,
And dream an endless dream.
Then I hope that she’s by my side, not his.

Baby, please don’t hold his hands
Cuz you should be my lady

Once the music starts
You’ll take the eternal pledge with him
I prayed and hoped
that this day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

Be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase those pitiful memories of me
For a long time
It was hard on me, no oh
I spent too much time fantasizing
And had a lonely life like a fool
She’s still looks at me
and smiles brightly

The wedding dress you’re wearing (dress)
(Girl) The wedding dress you’re wearing
(but I’m not the one who’s by your side)
(Wedding dress, dress )
The wedding dress you’re wearing, oh no

Another awesome song, seriously reminds me about how miserable i was last time.. sigh..

Nicholas..

Sing me a song..

2009-11-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

Yeah, Since you went away hasn’t been the same

In my heart all i got is pain

Could it be that i play the game

To loose you, i can’t maintain

Sunlight moonlight you lit my life

Realize in the night while love shines bright

Can’t let you go we were meant for forever baby let me know

Days passed without you can’t forget you

Letting me be the cloud hanging above me

Raining on me missing your touch

Nights get longer and it’s hard to clutch

We’re apart breaks my heart

Its all for the best girl, you’re my world

In time my love unfurls

‘Till then wait for you girl

Awesome :]

Nicholas.

Another passing moment..

2009-11-01T23:42:00.002+08:00

Its another sunday i would say, couldn wait to meet up with these bunch of friends :) its been awhile since we had such big gathering but sad to say i received 2 sms from 2 of the form6 friends saying they couldn make it last minute due to assignment.. dude i too have assignment to do.. sigh.. oh well.. its your choice which i could change ): so yeah.. back to it.. :O it was still kinda fun.. :) oh yeah we meet ken chuah lol, phik's boi boi :D fun fun long face dude lol but yeah he's alright :)

but yeah i felt jealous.. and who wouldn.. for a moment i stared blankly and was thinking about you.. you who used to be with me.. sigh.. yeah.. the more i think about it the more emo i will be.. shaking it of as i try to jump back to reality.. :( sigh.. facing the truth that you're long gone and living a better life without me... without me huh.. yeah it seems and yeah i guess it is the way life should be now.. we cant have everything right ?

Talk to doris on the way home.. telling her that its true i don have much real friends.. and she told me joe is also the same.. i guess i aint the only fuck up one huh ? hahaha.. i guess its like living in a survival arena of life and stuff.. you use me and i use you kinda thing.. well.. i guess i do sometimes and now i shall accommodate more to repay what i've done.. sigh.. michelle.. why the hell i could fall for you so deeply >_>

man i got a speech tomoro but aint ready at all.. i guess i aint gonna sleep at all tonight..

lonely huh ? yeah i guess thats how life should be for me now..

P.S: i got an ulcer in my mouth..

Nicholas..

The Night Blog..

2009-10-20T09:52:00.002+08:00

I have decided to divide my life into 2 sections, the apple tree which now full of darken colour would be my night blog and also would be the one i would share with my closes ones.. sorry for those who cant read it, i just wouldnt want to expose my entire life for the whole word to know.. so here i go again rambling about how it life should be.. its been awhile since i updated this part of my life.. being too busy with things *assignment* or not into the right mood to finish up what i've started ): so yeah here am i again back to square one..

i'm currently feeling uncertain

Aint certain of what am i doing is correct or something like that.. pif.. life could be such a pain in the arse if u don make good decisions ):

so yeah, this post is to inform my dear readers that my life has been split into 2 and this part of my life would be mainly updated at night as a show of the overall of my life ):

I'm still not happy..

Nicholas..

Imaginations..

2009-10-11T02:18:00.003+08:00

Okay yeah its been awhile since i last posted a proper post, so yeah here i'm again writing about how regretful life mean to me when since the moment you left me.. sigh.. ian told me that Tsui Han said that Michelle is currently super busy due to the subjects she has taken.. feeling uneasy, i texted her a msg telling her to do her best and don stress herself too much on the work.. i know, even though how much i treat her good, she wouldn even bother to reply me or anything.. or worst, she might've changed her phone number.. well what can i say to avoid such a fagg stalker like me.. sigh.. its been 2 years.. 2 solid years no communication and sight of you.. no nothing at all.. i really do wonder how are you now.. and how could you live on without me.. well i guess you can.. since i was such a fagg before.. taking things for granted..

Sitting again leaning against the very old apple tree..

i started to wonder and think back on all we use to be.. all over again.. thinking how we could smile so happily.. refreshing my memory on how you use to smell when you were so close.. the taste of sweetness of you baking.. sigh.. all of those were just memories now.. memories which i kept in the box from the very bottom of my heart and the very first thing in my mind.. eventhough how much i wanted to feel back on how it use to be.. but i guess there's no turning back on what which has happen.. sigh.. she's chasing her dream and me staring blankly and aimlessly aside.. as if i'm casted aside by the very own soul from my body..

After the morning basketball session, i experienced a major headache.. i guess the my-grain has come back to stay huh ? remember those times i use to complain to you about my headaches.. then you will start massaging for me.. sigh.. fuck myself.. why could i just let you go just like that.. what was the point of it all.. knowing each other for so long and yet such painful experience can happen.. no its still come to conclude that the fault lies on my side.. my fault and wrong that made you left me.. regardless on what i do now would never bring you back.. instead, would just make you move further away from me.. sigh..

Everyday the old man says:

"who's your gf now?"

well its a common question and a common answer from me saying "which one ?"

sigh.. then zarrah comes to the chatter but then yet i told dad that my heart was numb due to the lost michelle, prolly thats why i don really feel much on the next one.. i guess the same feeling whcih i felt for you, michelle, could not be felt anymore in my life.. the true meaning of falling for someone.. such feelings.. sigh.. i wish seriously its all a dream, let me wake up from this brain dead situation.. just let me go from this mental torture and back to reality.. i've learn my lesson and i know what must i do..

but i guess its all in my head huh ?

Nicholas..

Listening to a silent hollow..

2009-10-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile since i last updated again, and yeah the reason is i too busy nowadays with my assignments ): got like a bunch of interviews and also bunch of people to meet and crap around.. so yeah totally occupied by retardly assignments.. sigh.. what more could i do.. oh yeah ! today i saw this couple sitting in front of me in the bus.. The guy was like forcing, or you could say leaning darn close to the girl and like smelling her hair, force to kiss and stuff like that >.> i was like what the fuck !? go get a room dude ! >.> please don do raping in front of me ):

anyway yeah i forget to post urgh, bo mood will update again..s hit..

Nicholas

A minor come back..

2009-09-30T21:11:00.002+08:00

I've decided to re visit the apple tree.. Its been awhile since i came back here.. i thought i could let go and ran as far as i can from this tree.. but still, something brought me back.. the feelings once again flared up, regardless on what had happen.. I just noticed that, this tree was once belonged to michelle and me.. not others.. i should share the other side of the story here.. but now here i'm back, having the feeling or you could say emotions for michelle again.. sigh.. so it seems so true that i couldnt let go of her..

Oh yeah moral class there's a girl who looks exactly like her ! amagat seriously, i couldn believe it but kept on glancing on her.. seriously small i mean face feature and hair style and and chubby cheek and voice ! amagat seriously the same as michelle ! >:( i was shocked ! well in a weird and happy way.. her name is Lynett Tan.. sigh.. so it wasnt michelle there.. but the they seriously look alike..

I miss her.. ): i mean michelle.. not Lynett.. i don know .__.

sigh.. help me !

Nicholas

Nicholas is here fyi..

2009-08-29T01:04:00.000+08:00

http://collaboration-of-life.blogspot.com/

i give up in life..

Nicholas..

runs

2009-08-25T07:10:00.001+08:00

Nicholas has flee away from the apple tree to somewhere else.. guess pls..

Good Bye..

2009-08-20T14:18:00.001+08:00

I've decided to let go blogging and facebook.. well idk.. prolly for the time being.. good bye facebook *leaving permenantly* and blogging * temp i gues*..

I'm sick of this life..

enjoy the last song for it all..

Nicholas.

Oh thanks for the note..

2009-08-18T12:36:00.003+08:00

Someone drop a comment on the cbox which made my dad worst.. *Thanks* sigh.. i just finish my dance class and fell pretty wrecked up.. i wonder how's your day and are you doing well for the exam.. i'm thinking of ou neverless on what should i do next to convince you.. but i guess its al me being too pushy with things.. and yeah thanks for those weird comments i guess its time to remove the c-box.. i'm tireed of listening to sick comments and people advertising their blog on mine.. please do it to others not mine.. THANKS !

*its another depressing day*

after dance class, here i'm again deciding on what should i do next.. class starting on the 24th august and i'm still in the unproductive mood. i guess that i've got used to being this way huh ? i need to be more progressive now.. hmm what should i do.. :<>

sorry to those who i've been rude to as in talking.. i'm not in the right mood for anything now..

Nicholas

Just another lonely day..

2009-08-17T14:22:00.003+08:00

Yeah it is surely another lonely day.. waking up again, staring blankly around me before my brain aware me to more ? well something like that.. Prolly its just because i knew that its gonna be another lonely boring day.. sigh.. yeah lonely yet boring.. all alone here with my laptop and the tv on.. i guess life truely suck now without you.. at least i would have you to talk with.. fuck nah you're having exams now.. and yeah good luck with it :) you do need it haha..

amagat..

shit dont go shisha or i'll sure hunt you down >.> fuck..

i don really know what i type now.. just too much in my head to be express out.. thinking of the sarcastic saying from my dad and all his crap.. fuck man.. seriously i hate my life now.. seriously see nothing but depression.. no hugs anymore, no more cuddles sigh.. fuck.. i'm so long in words also now..

i'll write better later :(

Nicholas..

The call..

2009-08-16T03:52:00.002+08:00

She called when i was in the car after dinner..

*hey i'm here just checking on you*

getting a call from her is truely a shock of my life.. i din know she would call.. well i dont know.. i was in the car and it was noisy.. so i told her that.. so we din really talk much then..

Reached home.. and decided to sms her..

i send telling her that i'm ok.. but there's no reply.. WoE i text her a good night messege.. suddenly there was a reply from her saying night.. woot? i thought she was asleep :( but well got woke up by Keith and another guy's msg.. so she called wanting to talk as she couldn sleep.. been talking about how's the day and other stuff.. dirty jokes, bout her day in school and of course the best friend of hers.. well i don mind bout the best friend part alot.. but about her wanting to go Shisha -ing made me kinda piss.. sigh.. well i couldn stop her from it as i'm no longer the one to be.. the more we talk the more emo i felt.. the more that i just wanna hold her close to me.. hugging in silence without any word spoken.. just a silent moment together would just ease the fucking pain i'm having now.. but what much could i do.. sigh.. fuck..

Singing emo songs is all i did while she tried to cheer me up with her singing.. i was happy, well to hear that.. but then a sudden burst of tears.. telling her that does she remember what did i told her before the day she sent that messege.. i told her * i don wanna lose you*.. but then the next day, she send me the heart stopping messege which brought down my fucking world.. when i told her that.. there was a long silent pause.. she brings the conversation up by singing.. but my heart couldn take it.. and tears starts flowing out.. my heart felt like it has fallen into a deep hole :( sigh.. fuck..

i know the reason why did you let me go.. and i promise i could do better.. would you just give me a chance to prove it.. sigh..

i will quit being the emo when we get together agian.. so please.. give me this one more chance to prove it to you babe.. please.. sigh..

darling i do need you in my life..

*phone close at 3.50am..*

P.S: i did cry seriously..

Nicholas..

Nightmare

2009-08-14T10:28:00.003+08:00

Getting up from depression today.. sigh.. i seriously had this freaking nightmare.. whereby suddenly you disappear from me.. sigh.. we were happily chatting with each other.. but then i lost sight of you when i turned away for a moment.. fuck.. waking up with full depression.. i seriously feel damn emo now.. i keep saying to myself.. why do i have to wake up again and feel this pain all over.. i'm through with michelle and taking chances that i could be happy with her.. but it seems this happens to me again..

Babe.. i don wanna lose you..

Please just give me this one more chance.. sigh..

I really feel so darn depress everyday..

/wrist..

Nicholas..

hearts drop feeling

2009-08-13T23:38:00.002+08:00

The feeling once again strike my very heart.. over and over having the same feeling.. a shivering cold towards the spine.. the sadness cold towards the heart.. the feeling of letting go all hope in life occurs always when the thoughts role all over.. sigh.. yeah fuck i hate this feeling.. it aint fun being like tat but it seems lik i cant shake it off from the very head of mine.. sigh.. i thought it would have lasted.. but it still seem like a dream.. i couldnt believe my eyes stil from recieving that sms.. everything kept on playing back.. thinking back all the wrong i've done.. think why could i be so stubborn and arrogant towards that puny small matter..sigh..

Zee please forgive me.. please give me this one final chance.. sigh..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i feel so depress......

hearing your voice do help alot ya know.. i regret din call earlier.. i regret for all the things i've done and what i haven done.. fuck.. sigh... taking things like u say a break.. but what break is this.. sigh.. i wish so much to call you again.. but i'm so afraid that i'm annoying or disturbing you.. sigh.. i'm such a jerk now.. shit shit shit.. thinking back all over.. shit..

relay for life.. was the most memorable day for me.. it was the most fun day since i met you.. i seriously fall for you that day.. your characteristic brighten my life.. your lame jokes *i do love them* eventhough u don hear me laughing but actually i'm in me.. sigh.. fuck.. i miss every bit if you.. and you're not fat babe.. you;re good the way u're..

I just wanna say i miss you.. and i do love you for real and no games behind that..

please give me a chance..

Nicholas..

stares continues

2009-08-13T12:32:00.004+08:00

After finishingthe housework.. i sat infront of the tv and stared again.. stare at emptyness and listening to the water falls from the garden.. listening to sounding around me, cars passing by on the main road.. but i don hear my phone ringing anymore.. i guess the phone has turn into a useless object other than communicating you.. but now its seems that i cant even communicate with you like how it used to be.. so yeah.. leaving it aside the whole day wouldn have any difference at all.. pathetic.. fuck..

*walks upstairs to room*

nothing i can do still holding up the book of hers.. sigh fuck i feel super depress now.. i seriously feel like indulging myself with pain.. sigh.. why do i have to suffer so much pain.. cant you like re think again on that msg u sent me earlier ? why do we have to choose the road.. sigh.. staring at empty-ness again.. clicks around the laptop and saw no longer the heart there beside the name of me in her blog.. sigh.. i'm totally erase huh ?.. i guess.. my heart totally felt like it has dropped into a deep deep hole.. its hurts alot.. alot..

sigh..

why must it be this way..

putting hopes one day u will just called me and say hey i'm sorry bout that, can we be together again..

oh yeah the reason actually i pierce was.. i wanna be cool infront you.. well now i see there's no more use to it.. i guess i should remove them.. sigh..

Nicholas..

stares

2009-08-13T09:42:00.002+08:00

I woke up at and just stare blankly at the wall.. i feel so lost.. seriously lost.. i don feel like doing anything.. just stare blankly till everything ends.. sigh.. reaching for my phone.. i thought there was a usual morning by you.. but no longer i shall reviece those.. sigh.. the image of full regrets appear again.. why could this happen.. for so much i wan it to last.. so much i wan to keep this something special.. has just perish within a day.. i felt like a dead corpes.. stilling and waiting to rot.. sigh.. regreting all over and over.. why am i punishing myself this way.. all i wan to do is love you.. well what could i say.. my deeds aren enough to make you fall all for me right ? i was hoping for one more chance.. to show that i deserve it.. but i guess, i'm just shitting myself..

so many should've and so many ifs.. sigh..

Regrets is all i have now.. miss you is all i can do.. what can i say.. i truely know that i'm madly fallen for you.. your smile, your lame jokes, the wayy u laugh.. even though we din see each othe much.. sigh.. should've gone to that saturday event.. fuck my stubborn self.. should've.. i should've not even reply that comment of his.. fuck my arrogant shit.. can we please rewind everything and start all over ? could we just get back together and do it once more again ? could you just give me a second chance..

its seems now putting on a smile could be so hard.. applying myself to my daily rutine again and thinking of you.. the time we spend during the relay for life.. genting highlands.. and even the movies in midvalley.. short but sweet.. sigh.. i hate myself even more... abusing self is all i can do now.. slit n cut, stich and still fail to sew back together.. thinking how adorable you are during the relay for life, sleeping on my lap.. wanting to spend more time with you.. and we did actually :) till morning 7am haha.. i din sleep much but was trying to provide you better neck support when you slept on my lap :) sigh.. i sure do want to turn back time to then.. when we were still beginning and cheerful thinking that i have you beside me..

Zee.. i love you.. and i do will wait for the time to come.. sigh.. i hate myself..

Nicholas..

The Pain !

2009-08-13T03:19:00.002+08:00

shit, i twisted my ankle when falling down the stair !

should've on the lights..

Nicholas

Post number 200..

2009-08-12T15:54:00.000+08:00

i find myself broken to pieces.. again...

Nicholas.

Nooo..

2009-08-12T11:31:00.001+08:00

Nooo.. Please don go..

I'm sorry.. TTATT

Please..

Nicholas

):

2009-08-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

i seriously cant sleep.. something called me to express this out from my chest before i can relax..

I fucking now seriously piss thinking what happen just now.. by the provoking thingy.. seriously.. i haven see you real life and u fuck me like that.. what the fuck dude ? lmao.. seriously i thought wow since u're her best friend i would accept the fact that i have to meet you one day.. but now you're give me such fucking impression.. nice dude.. i guess now its all in here saying that u;re plainly a fagg..

i dont mean to do all this fucking shit.. man what the fuck..

sorry zee..

thinking of it now.. i really aint fucking gonna meet him or so.. fuck up sia..

back to my emo self..

cheers..

Nicholas..

Under the apple tree..

Friends.

Last day of Chinese New year.

While i was awake.

First Assignment !

Pictures of the day :D

Will you ?

Zooming.

Point.

Next !

Insomnia.

Lately.

At times.

Explaining.

I do need those.

Sir Paint-alot

Buzzle Nuzzle (i cant think of anything)

Me.Muero.

On my way.

Shifting.

Dreams shall be dreams only.

Birthday.

Far.

Remembrance.

Clinging.

Its just the stars and me.

Long weekend it seems.

So thank you for the broken heart..

Im still into you :(

Im tired.

Another week eh ?

Lonel-li-ty.

Sugar-free happy thoughts

When i needed someone..

What did i do ):

Minor Update ! :3

FML

Being chased...

What if ~*

=[

I have a dream..

:|

This is not about me..

Vid vid vid

Ohhhhhh Emmmmm Geeeeee !

Pinch of salt eh ?

Malay Food..

Looking back..

Issues..

Bells..

Been thinking..

i like apples again

I like apples =]

A good laugh indeed >:3

I like to eat but..

Bye bye new year :D

Its been awhile..

Its a thursdaaaaaaay~*

Lying dead..

Wondering..

Thoughts of you i guess..

Pork chop ?

2010 !

On the stage..

What am i missing..

Solanin

Re-entertain the moments.

Wedding dress..

Sing me a song..

Another passing moment..

The Night Blog..

Imaginations..

Listening to a silent hollow..

A minor come back..

Nicholas is here fyi..

*runs*

Good Bye..

Oh thanks for the note..

Just another lonely day..

The call..

runs

Nightmare

hearts drop feeling

stares continues

stares